But…even though death awaited me…I still returned.
In a sickening desperation, I still sought out the ‘World of the Machines’ – yet while doing so I became more lost, distancing myself from whatever mattered to me.
‘The Web’ in which I had been ‘Tangled’ and the bitch who spun it, knew I would eventually have NO energy left but to…crawl.
And so, after hitting a curb with my car and STILL not employed & not able to pay the costs to repair it… I discovered that ‘The Machines’ and her master web spread out to a distance I could walk.
My fate…was hers…at any cost!
Entranced & Bewitched my only focus was to again push her ‘buttons’…and so, wretchedly I would creep home thereafter, nothing left but the shadows keeping me hidden from the shame I carried.
My days had become shorter…my nights endless ~ Terror, anxiety, fear & hopelessness were the only emotions I felt >>> all happiness, peace & laughter were forgotten.
I knew that soon I would again feel her fangs piercing my skin…only this time it would not just be a ‘Bite’…she would devour me ~ swallow the rotting decay I had become.
How could I, the Aries warrior…the survivor, become defeated by a ‘Fucking Machine’…so much time had passed, that I could not recall how it all began…but I knew that I wanted my torment to end.
My pride, my glory, my pain… & my sadness were spent & had left me with nothing to hold onto…and so…I surrendered.
By surrender, I mean, I knew that I couldn’t defeat ‘HER’ alone…I needed medicine…I needed HELP…I needed an ‘Antidote’…!!
I didn’t want my life to end like that – I collapsed to the floor, too weak to stand…too many tears for me to see – I surrendered & pleaded for my life & for a power GREATER than my own to save me.
Just then…a number I used to snicker at once upon a time, when I believed I was still ‘Joan of Arc’…riding into the sunset after a battle…was suddenly clear!
That number that a power MUCH greater than my own showed me that day…was the “Gamblers Anonymous” hotline number.
Without a second thought I dialled…
Since that call was answered I was led to the steps of ‘The Foundation |Sharp Recovery Clinic…giving me a platform to share my story with YOU.
To those who have journeyed with me over the past 6 months as I have grown stronger & to those who will use my words as weapons in the future, know always that you are NEVER alone…NEVER give up!!
Reach out… ‘Breathe’… take the ‘ANTIDOTE’.